I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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