My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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