i just wanna soil my oats bro
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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