I met the friendliest cop last night
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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