I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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