i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Your penis caused this!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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