He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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