I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
