I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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