dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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