I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
