I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
