It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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