Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
