Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize