If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
