I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
