We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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