I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she told me i tasted like america
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
