Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
