at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
