Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
