please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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