How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
