so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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