he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
