"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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