Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize