I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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