The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
