We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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