I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
