We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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