When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
