I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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