Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
