can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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