maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
