does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
