yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
