I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
