I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
