and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
50% drunk capacity currently
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
