So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
