oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize