Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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