Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
