mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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