you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
