i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
