if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize