now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize