Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
