we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
