when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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