but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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