Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
