Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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