I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
