Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize