Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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