What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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