Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
