so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
