Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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