the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
