I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
