I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I die, sorry about rent.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
