I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
